Stretched out on my sofa, glass of OTT in hand, watching my favourite science programme on TV got me to wondering, “What if Oliver Twist London Distilled Gin went intergalactic?”
Just imagine, Oliver Twistdrinker has just discovered that Princess Toni Cawater and her faithful companion Sal Isa Lime have been kidnapped by the dark lord, Parr Tee Pupa and are imprisoned on planet Nodrink in the Dri Quarter of the Soff Derrinks Galaxy.
What can he do? Turning to his trusty robots, O T T 2 and Anne Droidanset, he commands them to make contact with Hans Freifonin who is aboard the Millennium Bugg, a super-fast curiously beetle shaped craft with rather fetching number 51’s emblazoned on its flanks.
Realising the serious of the matter, Hans Freifonin heads immediately for Oliver Twistdrinker’s planet bringing his co-pilot Sucksherbert with him.
Within hours, Oliver Twistdrinker, Hans Freifonin, Sucksherbert, O T T 2 and Anne Droidset are on board the Millennium Bugg.
“Set a course for planet Nodrink in the Dri Quarter of the Soff Derriinks Galaxy “, says Hans to Baa Mayd, the ships computer.
“ Hang on a minute,” it answers back, “We’ve been at it all day and are ready to call time on today’s adventures.”
“Baa Mayd, this is the final command of your shift”, Hans retorts.
“Be there in ten minutes, Boss.”
“Funny how quick things happen when it’s last orders”, mutters Hans as the Millenium Bugg leaps forward into hyperspace.
Five minutes and several light-years later, the Bugg slows down to a sedate several thousand kilometres per hour, “Holy cocktail shakers!” exclaims Oliver Twistdrinker,”Look at the size of that!”
Looming in the distance, but growing bigger with every passing second was a gigantic space station shaped a bit like drinks can, but ablaze with lights and bristling with laser cannons pointing in all directions.
“I don’t think they want to let us get to planet Nodrink”, remarked Hans Freifonin.
“We have to think of something”, said Oliver Twistdrinker through gritted teeth.
Sucksherbert made a low grumbling sound followed by a surprisingly high squeak for such a large being.
“I totally agree with you Sucksherbert”, said Hans Freifonin.
“What did he say?” asked Oliver
Hans Freifonin made the same noise.
“I meant translate!” said Oliver Twistdrinker in exasperation.
“Oh! He suggested that we tell them that we are carrying important documentation for the dark lord Parr Tee Pupa that will enable him to put a dampener on all social gatherings, parties and celebration throughout the known universe. This should get us a free passage to planet Nodrink.”
“What then?” asked Oliver Twistdrinker.
We take a case of your family’s London Distilled Gin with us and…………………………….
[To be continued]
Brought to you by Shaun Griffin Wyatt-Nicolle Intergalactic Gin Quaffer